Only the Lonely

I often wonder how it’s possible to feel lonely when you are always surrounded by people. It’s perplexing to say the least. However, I know it’s a possibility because I do feel that way sometimes. I’m very rarely ever alone yet at the same time I feel like there’s no one around.
Perhaps it’s not loneliness I feel but more of an emptiness. I don’t even know if that is the right word for it. I think the word I’m looking for is longing. I am always longing for something. A better job, a better relationship, appreciation. I blame movies and books for my feeling of lowness. I am always wishing for that fairy take relationship (my husband obviously hasn’t watched the same movies I have). I want to know that he head over heals in love with me, that when I die he’ll actually be heartbroken and miss me. I’d like him to feel lucky to have me in his life and that our marriage isn’t just an obligation. Though I think sometimes thats how he thinks of it. We have kids, a house, dogs. I think sometimes he comes home because he feels he has to, not because he wants to.
Yes that makes me sad but it’s only sometimes. Most of the time I am happy with where I am and I realize after 15 years of marriage some of the excitement will be worn off. But is it too much to ask for a little fawning every once in a while??

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