Somebody’s Crying

Today I miss my mom. A lot. I have no idea why it hits me hard some days and not others. Today I guess I just really need her to talk to.
The shitty part of having a teenager at a young age is that none of my friends have lived through raising a teen yet. I have no one else (who has already been there, done that) to go to for advice or to vent to. I have no idea if I’m giving her too much freedom or not enough. No idea if I should feel upset that she would rather be anywhere else but at home or if it’s normal for an 18 year old. It doesn’t help talking to my husband because 1) he’s just as clueless as I am and 2) he’s not very good at carrying on conversations. We’re making these decisions together, so trying to get advice from each other is kind of a moot point.
There were a lot of silent tears shed today. We have conversations, I think we understand each other, then boom. A few hours later there’s a text asking if she can sleep at her friends house. Again. Because she just wants to spend time with her friends. I get that. I really do. But this is the 3rd time in 4 days. Tomorrow she leaves for Chautauqua for 3 days then has college orientation for 3 days after that. Am I asking that much of her by wanting to spend some time with her before she’s gone for a week? This doesn’t even touch on the issue that she’s leaving behind the dog that she BEGGED for. Her argument was convincing; she would be living at home and commuting to college in the fall, she would be here to take care of him and be responsible for all his needs. Well, color me gullible because I actually believed her. I even cried a little over that today, too.
So there you have it. I cried today because I’m feeling like an incompetent parent. I cried today because I miss having my mom to talk to. I cried today because I felt like an idiot for crying. Oh well, just one of those days, I guess.