I Don’t Want To Be

There are some clouds tonight but I could still see some stars. But only a few through  the bathroom window. I wish I didn’t see them tonight though. I wish I were still sleeping. 

I woke up again to find myself alone. It’s not even midnight tonight and he already gave up and went to the couch. I take it personally, maybe I shouldn’t, but I do. Because no one wants to be alone. And I always feel alone. 

I don’t want to always be the first one to say I love you. I don’t want to be the one to give the kiss goodnight, or the kiss goodbye, or any kiss at all. I don’t want to be the one to reach to try to hold a hand. I want to be on the receiving end once in a while. I want to looked at. I want to be wanted. I want to be…loved. 

I shouldn’t take it personally, but it is.  

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