I Can’t Tell You Why

I’m wrong.

My choices are wrong. My decisions are wrong. My opinions are wrong. My way of thinking is wrong. My emotions are wrong. Maybe the fact that I am here is just wrong.

I stopped to really take a good look at my life recently. You know what I noticed? I don’t do anything. I don’t make any decisions and when I do I second guess myself. Every. Single. Time. I don’t speak up at all because I always feel that my own point will be invalid. I am embarrassed to do any of the activities that I really love because people have judged me on them in the past.

I stopped paying bills because something else should’ve been paid first. I stopped doing the grocery shopping because something else was on sale or I bought the wrong brand. I will only make the same few meals for dinner because God forbid I try something new. I don’t try to suggest a different location or time of year to take a vacation because, why bother? It’s not going to be a good idea anyway.

I spend more time alone and in my own head than I care to really admit.

What I want, or need, isn’t important. There’s no need to be happy.

I know I sound like I’m being selfish or spoiled or whatever. But I need to be acknowledged from time to time. I am here, dammit.

 

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