Take It Easy

Physical therapy evaluation done and over with. The therapist was actually a graduate of the school I work at. A very sweet girl, seemed very knowledgeable. I might not hate going as much as I was anticipating.

I am disappointed, though, that I have to hold off on running until she gives me the OK to start up again…slowly. I am happy that she thinks the pain in my knee has less to do with the tears in my meniscus but more with my hip and IT band tilting my knee inwards. Hopefully after a few weeks of physical therapy I’ll have everything straightened out (pun totally intended) and can start running again.

I don’t mind being an old soul but why do I have to have an old person body to go with it?

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Loud Music

The one thing in life that I could never, ever do without is music. Music has seen me on my worst days and my best. Music has been there to get me through deaths, births, weddings, and tragedies. It gets me through the day at work,  when I’m at home cleaning and through 3 mile runs. Music holds memories and brings them back to the forefront, whether I want them there or not.

I will hear a song and suddenly I’m little again, watching MTV in my living room, dancing without a care. Or I’m just sitting on my couch in the days after my dad died. I giggle at Barenaked Ladies thinking about my mom gasping at some of their lyrics. I smile thinking of sitting on a street curb eating ice cream with old friends. I cry at songs that bring me back to times when my husband and I fought all the time and thought my marriage was ending.

I think that’s normal for most people. But is it weird when you hear a song and it reminds you of a person who has absolutely no connection to that song? Every now and then a song will come out and it brings memories of a time long past or a person who I haven’t seen in years. That always makes me wonder when that happens. Why would a song bring thoughts about someone or something that I haven’t thought about in so long? Is there a reason? Is there something I’m not seeing and should be?

It also makes me wonder if I’m really even living in the physical world or if I’m still living in my dream world. My own world of “would haves or could haves.”

I think I am mostly in my own fantasy world.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I like it there. Listening to my music with nothing but my own thoughts and memories. Music is my escape.

Stand

I think I’m just way too neurotic about things. Should I really care what other people think of me? Not Really. Well, I don’t know, maybe sometimes, like when I’m not minding my own business.

For the most part I pretty much know when to keep my mouth shut. And I do usually keep my mouth shut. But sometimes the urge is strong to give my opinion. The only time I really struggle with it is if it is in fact a topic that is none of my business. You know, when it’s someone else’s personal life.

I can’t help myself though, if I see someone heading down the wrong road with someone I need to tell that person. Believe me, I do go back and forth debating on saying something. I’m sure I’m  not always hearing everything about the situation, and in some cases I know I’m only hearing the negative. I do think that I should trust my gut though, and right now I’m afraid that if I trust my gut and say something it could be detrimental to my relationship with this person. I don’t want to strain my relationship with my friend but I don’t want to stand by and watch a train wreck either.

 

Ring My Bell

I am so not a patient person. I want instant gratification. All. The. Time. Especially when it comes to waiting for answers.

If you tell me it will take two days for an answer, it’ll be the longest two days of my life. And if you tell me it could take UP TO two days. Then oh my lord, day number 1 I’m going to be waiting next to my phone, willing it to ring.

I just want to know. I want to be able to plan ahead. I want to know if I have to reschedule things. I need to know what I’m going to tell people when the time comes. I have a busy life, I have to put things in order as soon as I can.

I just hate being in limbo. I want to know if I can go back to normal or if I have to change things up. But this not knowing is really killing me.

Mr. Brightside

I feel as though life is just a series of small battles and I’m losing every single one.

Just when I think all is hunky dory something happens. For every step forward there are two steps back. Most of the time it’s a little problem or annoyance but sometimes it’s something big. I know that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, but God in heaven, when everything falls like dominoes one right after another I start questioning my entire existence.

I know a lot of it is just my own interpretation of the events. But please don’t complain about what I make for dinner just because you were hoping for something else because hey, you have food to eat. And please don’t tell me the best way to cut chicken so that it cooks faster; all I’m hearing is that your way is better than mine. Please stop nitpicking over small details in life that have little to no effect on anything at all. All of these small things just fester with me until something that really does matter happens and I explode.

When I come home from a run limping, please be understanding and helpful. It does not help anything for you to become aggravated because my knee is in pain.  There is no need for any “I told you so’s” or make references to past complaints of knee pain from running. I am already feeling like I’ve failed at something, yet again. I really don’t need to be kicked while I’m down. Especially when I am so obviously losing this battle with weight. Perhaps I would consider some of your suggestions as helpful if I felt they were actually heartfelt and not said to show me that I made a wrong decision. Again.

I need an outlet for all this “small stress”.  Running was starting to help with it a little, and now I can’t even do that until I get this knee checked out.

For once I would just like to do something and be good at it without anything weighing me down, pun totally intended.