I am trying so hard to be upbeat and optimistic but I am failing miserably. I want so badly to be happy, but my mind keeps going to that place where I can’t get out of. I want to know how to not let my emotions get the best of me. I want to know how to go on in life without caring what someone else might think of me.
I have a hard time sleeping because it’s too quiet and I can do nothing to clear my mind of all “why’s and why not’s” that are running through it. I have a hard time during the day (especially when the office is empty) because I can’t focus on work. It takes all the energy I can muster sometimes to not sit and cry at my desk. I have a hard time at home in the evenings because the tension is so thick lately.
Talking doesn’t work. Talking (trying to talk) is what led to this black hole that I’m in now. I’m starting to think that talking is overrated. Fuck, love is overrated.
A wise man once said “Do or do not, there is no try.” 😉
I finally realize the meaning in that. I have tried for so long, I think I finally realize that I have failed. It’s over