Wouldn’t It Be Nice

I woke up heartbroken this morning.

I was talking to an old friend. We had a long, great conversation. It has been years since we really talked so we talked about everything and anything. We reminisced, we laughed, we got real serious and real honest.

Then we cried. He told me that he was getting divorced. My heart sank. He always seemed so happy, they always seemed so perfect. He was always smiling; his smile was something that I always loved about him. We had to end our conversation then and he promised to call me the next day. Even after hours of fun, happy conversation all I could think of was the last few minutes. He sounded so sad, so disappointed, so discouraged. Then I thought about his two kids. They’re so young. I can’t imagine how confused and heartbroken they will be. I can’t imagine having to tell them and trying to explain everything.

I wanted nothing more in that moment to be able to take him and hug him and make him feel better.

He was my first love. They say you never forget your first love, and I believe that is true. I just want him to continue being happy and carefree.

Then I woke up with a heavy heart. As far as I know he is still happy and carefree. Even though we do still talk once in a while, our conversations are nothing like the one I dreamt.

I’m beginning to wonder what these dreams are trying to tell me. I keep having dreams similar to this one. Is my subconscious just trying to confirm how I already feel? True love or the perfect life is just too elusive?

I don’t want to believe that. I want to believe in fairy tale happy endings.

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