So lately I’ve been writing all about my own life and what seems (to me, anyway) to be the end of life as I know it. Sure, shit that I’m going through is tough and could potentially be devastating to me and my family, but it is no way the end of the world. I’m not in crisis mode or anything like that.
In fact, things are quite calm at the moment. I’m living with (dealing with?) an alternate way of life, I guess you could say.
I’ve stopped paying attention. I wait until he comes to me-for anything and everything. I don’t even text to see how his day is going anymore. It was hard at first, but I think it’s doing us both good. We’ve been together for more than half our lives so we have always done everything and gone everywhere together. I’m starting to do A LOT more on my own, and I think, I don’t know. But things are changing a little bit. I’m only going out with girlfriends, not doing anything that girls would do to get their boyfriends jealous, but I think it is getting to him a little. Not quite sure what it is, to be honest.
When we first started dating, I was very confident and self-assured. Somewhere along the way I lost my confidence. Although I didn’t need to, I always asked if it was alright with him when I made plans or bought lunch or what-have-you. I don’t do that anymore. I am not sure what the shift is, but I’m finding my confidence again.
I started practicing yoga a few weeks ago. Last week the instructor told a story about being married to an alcoholic and after she started practicing yoga regularly her confidence went up and she was able to leave her husband. Now she owns three yoga studios. That story got me thinking and made me wonder if the yoga has anything to do with my new confidence. Everyone says yoga has huge benefits both physical and mental, but you don’t always notice them right away.
Hmm, I wonder.