Too Little Too Late

I am definitely a prime example of a person who is completely not who she seems. I keep most of my thoughts and feelings inside, only showing you what I want you to see. Only a few select people really know who I am inside, not just what I show on the surface.

This blog was supposed to be a way for me to open up more. To let people see the real me (even if it is only strangers as I stay anonymous). But I still have trouble writing exactly what I want to say. I’m still afraid to really open up and let it all spill out.

I read other people’s blogs on here. I envy some of them because there are some that talk about exactly what I want to talk about. The same topics that I need to get off my chest. Some of them I am in complete agreement with, and others have a totally different opinion or a completely different point of view. I appreciate both views. I am comforted in the fact that there are other people who have made the same types of mistakes I’ve made and who have gone through similar circumstances. People who have felt the same emotions and who have put themselves through the wringer like I have. And I appreciate the people who express the other side of those situations and who share their side of the story. I need to know what it is those people felt and thought and how they reacted at the time. I need to be able to see and feel a situation from all sides, even though I know it won’t be easy.

I want to tell my story. Maybe someday I will. But for now, I can only show small pieces of me at a time. I know people judge pretty harshly, and given what most of my stories on here have been about lately, I can only guess that I’d be judged for past mistakes. I’ve been to the judge and jury already and it’s all in the distant past. I’m not totally ready to bring it to the surface again.

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2 thoughts on “Too Little Too Late

  1. Tony says:

    I’m the same as you somewhat. I’ve never really shared any of my thoughts and feelings with anyone. Kept all that bottled up inside. I told everyone reading my blog what is going on with me & my wife before I told any of my immediate family or friends.

    Doing this has really amazed me with the support and positive comments I get which are more than I could have every expected. It’s also a great outlet for someone like me who’s pretty shy and reserved.

    Good luck with everything!!

  2. kurtislunz says:

    Yeah, I’m trying to break out of the same camp as you, but it’s important to remember as different as people may seem, most of it is projections. As somebody told me once, “We are all the same. Some people are just a little bit better looking.”

    Another piece of advice is “fail fast and fail early”. People that are successful usually have had their trials, failures, and embarrassments along the way; they just got it out of the way quicker than those of us who are afraid launch.

    With all that said, I need to live that advice more than I need to give it.

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