I am definitely a prime example of a person who is completely not who she seems. I keep most of my thoughts and feelings inside, only showing you what I want you to see. Only a few select people really know who I am inside, not just what I show on the surface.
This blog was supposed to be a way for me to open up more. To let people see the real me (even if it is only strangers as I stay anonymous). But I still have trouble writing exactly what I want to say. I’m still afraid to really open up and let it all spill out.
I read other people’s blogs on here. I envy some of them because there are some that talk about exactly what I want to talk about. The same topics that I need to get off my chest. Some of them I am in complete agreement with, and others have a totally different opinion or a completely different point of view. I appreciate both views. I am comforted in the fact that there are other people who have made the same types of mistakes I’ve made and who have gone through similar circumstances. People who have felt the same emotions and who have put themselves through the wringer like I have. And I appreciate the people who express the other side of those situations and who share their side of the story. I need to know what it is those people felt and thought and how they reacted at the time. I need to be able to see and feel a situation from all sides, even though I know it won’t be easy.
I want to tell my story. Maybe someday I will. But for now, I can only show small pieces of me at a time. I know people judge pretty harshly, and given what most of my stories on here have been about lately, I can only guess that I’d be judged for past mistakes. I’ve been to the judge and jury already and it’s all in the distant past. I’m not totally ready to bring it to the surface again.