I woke up this morning in a much better mood than yesterday. Thank goodness.
I must have been thinking of all this in my sleep because I woke up with this thought: Why does anything need to change? I’m not that pissed off where we can’t just keep on as it was.
And that was that, I made up my mind.
But I am a huge asshat, and I tend to over think things. During my yoga practice this morning, though, it hit me like a brick. I said, “Whoa, hold up Lucy Lu*. Do you see anyone else wanting to keep things as they were?” The answer, unfortunately, is no. I don’t see or hear anything from anyone. My answer can’t get any clearer than that.
And it’s fine. I said all along I wasn’t looking for any type of relationship. I’m still not. Not like what they have, or want. But I do feel a void in my life now. Something is missing. I’ll fill it; I know I will eventually.
Keeping what we had is probably too radical an idea anyway. I think it would have been too morally confusing now. I don’t know if anyone could look at the situation in black and white, there’s so much gray area to consider.
So here I am, making up my mind, again. Perhaps because I realize I have no options, I won’t over think anything and keep this decision.
But I still miss my friend.
*The name has been changed to protect the innocent