Somethin’ Bad

I’ve been called many names throughout my life. Both as a child and as an adult. Most of the time these names are unfounded and I can brush it off. Sometimes it’ll hit me hard, whether it was meant in jest or as a true insult. One word in particular that gets me is filthy.

Depending on what’s going on in my life at the time (or just how I’m feeling at that moment) there is a totally different reason it makes me feel like a piece of shit.

Recently I’ve been using that word to describe myself. Not for what you might think. Not because of anything I’ve done, but because of what I haven’t been doing. I’ve been so lazy lately and eating such crap just because it’s convenient. It’s really starting to take a toll on me.

Gone is the confidence I’ve felt in the beginning of this year. As is the strength I’ve had in the past. A lot of the people who were in my life at that time are no longer around or are different themselves. Things that bothered me then no longer bother me, they’ve been replaced with new worries.

I’ve had some emotional meltdowns between then and now. And today I feel like I’m starting to gain some of that confidence back. I’m starting to feel motivated again. I’ve been doing specific exercises to decrease (hopefully eliminate) the pain in certain areas when I run. I’ve been working on strength, and starting back up (slowly) with running. I’ve even entered an 8K on Thanksgiving morning. No, I don’t expect to run the entire way, but I have a few family members that will be walking, too.

In fact, I’m feeling so good right now that I’m looking at training plans for a half marathon. I’ll have plenty of time to train, as it isn’t until May, though that much time may back fire on me.

I may be feeling good right now, but I shouldn’t count my chickens before they’re hatched. I’m always feeling like something bad’s about to happen.

 

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