I think I read too many books and watch too many movies. I give myself a false sense of reality; I want my dream world to be my reality. This only causes disappointment as I often want my relationships to mimic those in stories.
I want the man to look at me with longing. I want to know exactly what he’s thinking and feeling just by looking at his face. I want him to grab me and kiss me and not put me down.
But those are all just fairy tales I suppose. Stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life. It’s only a culture in fiction. So I won’t dwell on it.
Well, I’ll try not to dwell on it. I try not to dwell on anything, but my mind often goes where it shouldn’t. That’s just my culture. That’s my way of life.
He’s going out-of-town for the day tomorrow. Originally I was going with him. I was excited – I’d have the day to myself to explore and see whatever I wanted and we’d have all that night to ourselves. I was really looking forward to it. Then plans changed, he was told he only needed to go for the day and would be flying home that night, so I am no longer going. I told him I was disappointed that we didn’t have that time together when he asked if I was mad, he never acknowledged my response. That disappointed me even more than missing out on our time together.
I figured it would be better to go in to work than to sit at home and feel bad about a missed opportunity. But now I kind of wish I had still taken the day off. Just to be home and be lazy by myself for a few hours until kids come home from school. Yeah, I wish I had done that.