Where the Green Grass Grows

Life should be simple, don’t you think?

I mean, when I need something it should be available.

If I need something at work, my boss should be right there with the answer. If I need something at home, my husband should be right there. My kids should answer at first call.

Life isn’t simple, though. We all know that. It’s unfortunate but true.

But is it really unfortunate? Simplicity takes out any adventure. It limits experiences. It limits the mistakes that might be made but it also limits learning from those mistakes.

I’m a very simple person. I don’t like drama. I don’t like confrontation. I like peaceful. I like knowledge. I like knowing why something is or isn’t happening. I want to know the “why” behind something. So if you stop doing something you’ve done on a daily basis, I want to know why. I’m not being nosy. I’m trying to understand. Because I like to be simple and happy like my life void of chaos. Not knowing is chaotic to me.

via Daily Prompt: Simple

Alive

Ten

The word ten makes me think of Pearl Jam. In fact, the album Ten is probably one of my favorite albums.

Pearl Jam has always been one of my favorite bands. Though I have to admit I enjoy their earliest albums to anything they’ve done more recently. I can say that about a lot of music, though. Maybe it just reminds me of easier times or my childhood. Maybe it’s just because it was better than some of the music put out now. Maybe it’s a little of both.

I miss the times when all I had to worry about was music. I miss being able to focus everything I had on listening to a melody and getting lost in it. I wish I could do that now. Forget about everything else that is going on or that needs to be done and just sit in my room and listen to records (or CDs or just a playlist on my phone). The point is, I can’t shut life out and get lost in myself anymore.

I think that’s something I need very badly. I need some time to just get lost in myself and not worry about what’s supposed to happen next or where I’m supposed to be or even where I am now! I don’t want to worry about what eating that piece of cake is going to do to me and I don’t want to worry about feeling guilty when I say, “Oh well, tasted great!”

I want to go back to the time when I did what I wanted when I wanted and no one judged. and if they did, I didn’t give a fuck.

Runnin’ Down A Dream

I am going to take this daily prompt quite literally this time. It’s quite good timing actually since I’ve been slowly and quietly preparing to train for a half marathon.

Running really hasn’t been my thing since high school. I had three surgeries on my left knee in my 20s and the last one was quite a doozie. I couldn’t put any weight on it for 3 months. I could only start very limited and low endurance exercise after 6 months and couldn’t get back to “normal” activity really for a year. I was 28 when I had this surgery and became very used to a lazy lifestyle during this year. I was so afraid of having to have another surgery that I just didn’t do any real exercise and gained about 20 or so pounds pretty quickly.

Until one day years later when my husband was in the ER with kidney stones.  He lost around 15 pounds in 2 weeks before having surgery for them. That kickstarted both of us to try to eat better and take better care of our bodies. He started running and doing 5Ks but I was still afraid of hurting my knee so I just hung out at the strength machines at the gym and taking walks in the neighborhood.

I decided to bite the bullet and take a chance. I started training for my first 5K about 2 years ago as my husband was training for his first half marathon. I was slow but I finished my first, then my second and third race. My husband fractured his heel during the half which sidelined him the rest of the summer.

I became lazy again over the winter, not wanting to run outside in the snow and cold and getting bored on the treadmill.

Fast forward to last spring. I started running outside again. Joy! Until one day I started feeling pain in my right knee. GASP!

Doctor ordered x-rays and MRI which both showed nothing. I went to physical therapy to help loosen up my IT band, my hip and strengthen my knee. Even after the completion of all this I still had the pain. I tried Cortisone shot in my knee and the pain is still there when I run.

My husband keeps telling me to give up trying to run, stick with practicing yoga or something that is easier on my knees.

I started doing the free yoga classes in the park during the summer months and then started following some YouTube channels and I practice yoga for about a half hour every morning in my family room. I really do enjoy it but it isn’t helping take any weight off and I don’t get that high like I do after a run.

So anyway, a few months ago I started getting the itch to really run again. I had started on the treadmill and I’d run about a mile before my knee started hurting. I really don’t push too hard. I’ll run until I start hurting then walk. I “ran” an 8K on Thanksgiving and was in a lot of pain for two days. Again I got the “stick to yoga” talk.

I don’t want to just stick to yoga. We joined our local YMCA a couple of weeks ago so we could use the gym and the kids could go and train during their sports off-seasons. I’ve been utilizing the elliptical mostly because it’s a little easier on my knees. They do have a couple of yoga classes, but it is a slow, meditative practice rather than the power yoga classes that got me hooked over the summer.

So anyway, to close out this little story about nothing, I’m secretly training for a half-marathon. I just haven’t told anyone (husband) because he doesn’t know how to be a positive supporter and I don’t need any negative thoughts because it’s too easy for me to get discouraged.

Someday I Suppose

Today is my birthday. It is very early in the day.

The day can still go south, it can stay on track or could go exceptionally well.

Only time will tell.

I don’t have much luck on my birthday. Correction. I don’t have much good luck on my birthday. Or the days surrounding my birthday.

Let’s see if I can remember…

When my son was 2 or 3 he spent that weekend in the hospital with strep throat, mono, and dehydration.

Another year I ended up getting a raging sinus infection. My head was so severely congested that it was coming out my eyes.

I have spent another birthday lying in bed with migraines.

I’ve had to leave work early to pick up my sick daughter from school. She had the flu.

I’ve had such horrible fights with my husband that he almost walked out right then and there.

Every one of my kids have had some type of sickness.

Last year the day of my birthday went well, but the day after my son took a cheap shot to the head in a hockey game and his hockey career ended for good.

This year my youngest daughter has a cold and my husband woke up feeling like he’s starting a cold.

Every year I say the next year will be better.

Someday that statement will come true.

For now I’ll just continue to go with the flow and see what the rest of today brings.

Wish me luck.

Gone

It is interesting to me how you can explode over the littlest of disagreements. How you start throwing things because a manner in which you behaved towards someone was a little rude. I didn’t call you out in front of anyone. I waited until we were alone and mentioned calmly, the way I would hope you would do with me, that the situation could’ve been handled differently.

There was no need to yell and scream. No need to slam the door. No need to get upset at all really. You could have simply said that you didn’t agree with me and left it at that. It was not a life or death situation. It was nothing truly important.

But I guess this is the time of year that you always seem to wish I was gone, when you seem to regret not leaving me early on. The time when you will find anything and everything to get mad at me about.

I don’t know if you were waiting for me to cry so you had another reason to start yelling, but I didn’t. I simply lied in bed watching TV, waiting for you to make your move to the couch. It took a little longer than anticipated but you went, as predicted. And I finished watching A Time to Kill then went to sleep.

Your anger and fit throwing didn’t bother me last night as it has in the past. I made it clear that it didn’t impact me at all. I wonder, did that bother you at all?