Into The Groove

Well, I failed my own test yesterday. And by  writing about it today, I’m also already failing today, too.  But you know what? I’m OK with that.

Maybe it’s because I finally slept well last night. Took a nice, long, hot bath with a glass of wine and went right to sleep afterward. Maybe that’s the key. I’ll just try doing that every night. Or maybe it’s because I am realizing that I am human and humans can’t just flip a switch and turn off feelings and emotions and curiosity and … anything.

Perhaps it’s because I made myself wake up early to practice yoga this morning. I’ve had no energy or motivation lately and I’ve been skipping it every morning.  I’m glad I did it today. It really did give me a boost today. Just as my bath helped calm me last night, yoga helped get my heart to quicken

and got me moving and grooving this morning.

After a long talk with a friend yesterday I decided not to focus on the why’s or lies being told or the what if’s. I’m just taking things day by day, minute by minute. I’m going to have fun in the process.

I think I’ll have a dance party of 1 at work today.

via Daily Prompt: Quicken

Vacation

Vacations are not only fun and relaxing but good for the soul. Vacations can heal even the most bruised and banged up feelings.

This time away with my family was truly what I needed and the timing was perfect. This was exactly what I needed to reset and center myself.

The first hour or so on the 6 hour drive home the weather was awful. The rain came down so hard I thought it could break the windshield. Then it stopped raining and I could see beautiful clear skies down the highway.

end-of-the-road

I thought it was a perfect example of my life recently. I think I’m finally out of the storm and the skies are clear from now on.

Unfortunately once the sun went down I had too many hours inside my head with my thoughts. Things that I happily didn’t think about at all on my trip. Things that I was hoping to forget about and learn to stop thinking about while I was away. Things that I hope to not let into my head once I get back to work, when I usually think about everything.

Today will be a test for sure, but hopefully I’ll pass with flying colors. Eventually I won’t even bother asking, “Why me?”

Only the Good Die Young

I’m always the good one. The one who understands. Where does that get me? No where. 

There’s a saying that good guys finish last. That is completely true.  

I’ve always been the person who is left behind because I’m the type of person who is understanding and doesn’t put up a fight. I’m tired of being that person. I’m tired of being left behind. 

I will always tell you the truth. I told stories and a few lies when I was younger. I always told people what they wanted to hear to keep the peace. I soon learned that the truth always comes back to you and bites you in the ass. So now, no matter what, I will give you my opinion truthfully. I am going to turn into the bitch. You’ll hear what I have to say whether you want to or not. I’m done being stepped on. 

Only The Good Die Young

Anything Could Happen

HA! Hideout is a pretty good prompt. I could go in so many directions with it today.

I could go very literal and talk about a friend to get that off my chest. Or I could speak figuratively and speak about me. OR, I could just be very mysterious and not let you know who I’m talking about.

I am in a weird spot right now. I’m happy where I am in life but still a little depressed because of just a few small  quirks. I feel like if I just tweaked a few small things life would be so much happier. Unfortunately they aren’t tweaks that I can make to myself, other people would have to be tweaked. And we all know we can’t change someone if they don’t want to be changed.

The funny thing is, there’s nothing serious I’d like to change. No one’s got a dangerous addiction I’d like them to quit (well, someone might have an addiction but it’s not life threatening). I’d just like to take people and violently shake them until they understand. It’s so frustrating when someone can’t see what’s in front of him. Hello, McFly???

I feel like I keep repeating myself: pay attention, have some respect, care a little bit.

I keep thinking that the best action would be to hide my real feelings from others. I’ve been going on thinking that that is what I’ve been doing all along when in fact I haven’t. I have spoken out and made my opinions and feelings known right from the beginning. They’ve just been ignored, which is why I’m truly frustrated.

I’ve learned that you can’t run and hide from situations just by ignoring them. You need to do something to actually stop the situation. You need to make an action. But when you have no control over a situation and have no choice but to sit and wait and not know?  Well, I don’t know. This is the part I hate.

I’m taking a few days off from work for a short trip. I’m hoping that this is what I need to reprogram my brain and stop wanting to change things. I know I need to accept things that I can’t change. I’m really trying to do just that.

via Daily Prompt: Hideout

Complicated

I’m really pretty much over people. Not all people, fake people. No, I’m not going to go off on a tangent like our so-called President Trump just because someone said something mean about me. I’m talking about people pretending to be who they aren’t and spinning stories to get someone to feel a certain way toward them. I’m talking about people who are genuinely pretending to be who they aren’t. I’m talking about people with so much negative feelings about themselves that they pretend to be who other people want them to be. I’m talking about people who seem to be drawn to other people’s drama, whether it be for the juicy details of their stories or to feel like they’re coming to the rescue.

I get being in a funk in life. BELIEVE ME, I GET IT! I have been there many, many times. If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you know I’ve been there. It’s so easy to get down on yourself at times. But it’s not up to other people to make you feel special. It’s up to you. You don’t need anyone to show you. Side note: I know I sound hypocritical. I don’t rely on other people to make me happy. I make my own happiness. I am just guilty of letting other people bring me down.

I know how easy it is to cling to someone when they are giving you the attention that you desire. But that kind of attention doesn’t last and it’s not real. Especially when one (or both) of you are pretending to be different from who you actually are.

I’m tired of the games people are playing. Tired of people who are drawn to the drama and who are falling for the lies and stories. I’ve been there and done that and I’m too old for it now. I want plain and simple. Friends who are who they say they are and act like friends. No lies, no pretending to be interested. Either you are or you aren’t, it’s that simple. I’m happy where I am at the moment and I don’t need pretenders screwing with that.

Hear Me

Do you have any idea how it feels to go through life talking and talking, yelling even, and you’re just not being heard?  Like, at all.

I’m frustrated. I talk and talk and no one listens. At home, at work, everywhere.

A year ago my life was so different. I had gained so much confidence. I had friends who I talked with every day. A new job which seemed to have ample opportunities for me to learn and grow.

What happened?

I don’t know. Life happened, I suppose.

I don’t talk to my friends daily anymore. Sometimes we don’t even talk monthly. Job growth has definitely stalled.

Yeah, I’m totally in a rut.

I don’t even want to exercise. I can’t wake up in the morning and I want to go to sleep earlier and earlier every night.

Ugh. I’m done whining. For now.