When You Close Your Eyes

Last night I had a dream. It wasn’t a good dream, it wasn’t a nightmare. It was just a dream.

I dreamt that years ago I had an affair. It happened way in the past and we had moved on. The dream was occurring in the present day. I must have worked somewhere downtown and had to walk a few blocks to the parking lot where my car was. On the way to my car I ran into the man who I had the affair with and we walked together. My daughter (she is in her 20s) saw us walking together and ran up to me to question me. I assured her we had just been walking in the same direction and had only just run into each other.

After she left, he did mention that he had to walk home as he didn’t have a car because it was at the garage for repairs. As it was the middle of winter and freezing and snowy I agreed to give him a lift home, this one time only.

When my daughter left on her way to work, she must have called my husband because by the time I got to my car he was sitting in it waiting for me.  He was understandably upset with me and I kept calm just repeating that we were just walking to the car together as we had just ran into each other.  I told him how I offered to drive him home because the weather was so crappy and that it was a one time only deal. I asked my husband to come with while I dropped him off just so he knew for sure that there was nothing going on except for a lift.

And then I woke up.

I woke up feeling depressed and guilty.

I have no idea where this came from or why I would dream something like this. But I guess most people don’t know why they dream what they do.

I have been feeling bad this past week. Just feeling low and helpless and alone. And to wake up this way this morning did nothing to help change things around. Today is a Friday. It’s the last day before vacation. I should be excited and hyper and happy and none of those things apply right now.

Sigh.

Nothing is the end of the world. I will continue to plug away at work for another 5 1/2 hours and hopefully vacation mode will finally hit me.

Adios amigos!

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