Hall Of Fame

This boot camp is tough. It is definitely the hardest and longest hour of my day. I’m in the middle of my fourth week and I’m proud to say I’ve gone to every class (except two when I was out-of-town). After almost 4 weeks I should be seeing some type of results, right?

Wrong.

I lost a couple of pounds after the first two weeks. The third week I gained a pound. According to my scale at home I’m staying pretty steady this week.

I am super frustrated because I’ve gone from being basically almost sedentary to up and moving around every day. After my hour-long class I’ll go for a 2-3 mile walk with my husband (if we don’t have to go grocery shopping that is). I’ve gone from eating a bowl of ice cream before bed every night to eating a bowl of plain popcorn. I’ve dramatically cut down on the amount of carbs I eat. I’m being choosy and reading labels and trying to increase my protein intake. I am drinking water all day. I’ve even swapped out my chocolate milk at dinner for a glass of water (although perhaps I should keep the chocolate milk for the calcium?).

I know it’s still early in my journey. I knew it wouldn’t be easy and nothing would happen overnight, but I feel like I should have had some type of progress by this point. I am starting to feel defeated already.

Before you say anything about the numbers on the scale, I want you to know that I’m not foggy about this type of thing. I know that muscle weighs more than fat, so it is perfectly logical that I could just be gaining muscle and losing fat. BUT, my clothes are not fitting any better. I guess the upside is that they aren’t fitting any worse, either.

Running is still hard. Leg days just about kill me. And I can’t catch my breath to save my life. I was hoping it would be a bit easier by this point. It really doesn’t feel like it is at all. I’m still sore all the time. I wake up at 2 am because my legs are killing me from my knees down. I’d love to not have to take Tylenol or ibuprofen on a daily basis.

I just want to feel like I am going through all this and will have a positive outcome at the end. I want to feel like 12 weeks of sweat and tears will be worth it in the end and not a waste of my time and money. I want to know that I won’t fail.

Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows

Ah, salaam and good evening to you, worthy friend.

There’s something so satisfying about cleaning out unnecessary items, isn’t there?

I always hang on to things, “just in case” and it’s really just a waste of time and space. Just in case usually never happens, because I am just realizing this, I am going through The Purge.

I’ve actually started this process a few months ago by purging unnecessary accounts on social media. There were a lot of people who I followed who were super negative and just brought me down. Or they were just into topics and interests that I don’t really care about at this age. The kind of life they live is not the kind of life I want to live so I had to break ties. It has been a positive change.

I am continuing to purge those people from my life. Some of these people didn’t do anything or say anything wrong specifically, I am just at a different place in my life than I was. And as I do this I am moving forward. I’ve met a lot of people at boot camp who are nothing but positive energy. They are all encouraging and helpful. I don’t even know all their names yet, but they’re always there with a high-five or an encouraging smile. I even smile while I’m there dripping buckets of sweat.

I’ve complained a lot about my life in the past, but I made changes. A lot of changes. And life is much sweeter now. Sure, there will be hiccups now and again, and life won’t always be sunshine and lollipops.

Push It

So I’m kind of crapping my pants right now.

I just agreed to do a 12 week weight loss boot camp.

A friend of mine is a personal trainer and I see the pictures he posts of all the participants and their results. Every time I see new photos I think there’s no reason I couldn’t do that.

So I decided to sign up. It starts Monday. The same day my vacation starts, which is both fortunate and unfortunate. It is fortunate in that I won’t have to go to work sore and stiff my first week of getting my ass kicked. It is unfortunate because it’s my vacation. Even though I didn’t have week-long plans to go away, I still have some day trips planned. I don’t necessarily expect to change them either.

I am so lazy and out of shape right now so I am scared shitless at how hard this is going to be. It’ll be good for me though, for obvious reasons. Maybe I won’t fall asleep as soon as I sit on the couch after work. Better yet, maybe I won’t nod off while at work anymore, either!

I need this.  I definitely need this.

I’m Fat

This is getting very tiresome. I am getting very tiresome. That’s because I’m always tired.

I keep telling myself that I’m going to get up an hour earlier in the morning and do a longer yoga practice, or lift some weights, or go out for a run. But I don’t. I can’t. I absolutely cannot get out of bed in the mornings. I’m sleeping right through my alarm. All. The. Time.

And I am too tired after a full day at work and running the kids to and from dance or track or whatever sport they have that day.

I was hoping this feeling would be temporary and a couple good night’s sleep and I’d be back on track. Unfortunately this seems to be lingering. I’m sure I just need to force my ass to move and do something and I’ll start having more energy again. But it seems almost impossible.

I have days that I really hate this state that I’m in; I have days where I say that I’m OK with where I’m at. But I always hate picking out my clothes for the day. Every pair of pants I have are just a tad too snug now. Sitting at work is just a bit uncomfortable. And it isn’t warm enough outside for me to start wearing dresses to work. I need temperatures in the 70s for that.

I mentioned once before that I read a lot of blogs on different subjects. Today I have seen so many “Transformation Tuesday” photos on various social media sites. One day I will get to post my own photo, but to get there I need to move. And as I’m sitting at my desk almost falling asleep sitting up, I am making a promise to myself to start tonight – even if I just take a walk around the block.

 

 

You Talk Too Much

Wow. I opened this page to start writing 5 hours ago and it just never happened. I don’t even remember what I was going to throw out there today.

It’s funny how I can get totally stumped about what to say on here but in life I don’t seem to have a problem. Twice in the past two days I’ve opened my mouth when I really shouldn’t have. Or really, I guess I should have, it’s just that I said something that other people didn’t want to hear.

I end up going over and over the conversation in my head (because I just can’t let things go). Much of the time I realize that if I had kept my mouth shut then probably nothing bad would’ve happened. I should start asking myself, “Is it life or death if this information is not said out loud?”  I bet that most of the time that answer would be no and I should stay quiet.  For someone who hates drama, I sure do create a lot of it! Not that I mean to, it just happens.

I’m just a drama magnet. It’s drawn to me and surrounds me like a swarm of bees. I guess the question is, how do I turn off this magnetism??

My Life

I talk a lot. I say a lot of what I want to do but I don’t always follow through. I make up my mind to do something because I know it’s the right thing but I don’t always have the will power to do it. Sometimes it’s just because I don’t want to give something up and sometimes it’s just because I have too much curiosity. Whatever the reason, though, I need to grow a pair and just stick with my decision and live with it.

This morning I took a step in the right direction. I decided to take my life back. I removed temptation (at least something that is directly connected with that temptation) from my sight. It’s easier to let things go if you aren’t reminded of them on a daily basis. Today I threw that reminder in the trash, and you know what? I feel damn good about it!

I woke up and decided not to hesitate any longer. No sense in prolonging hurt feelings any longer than needed right?  It was really so much easier than I thought it would be.  It’s funny how you can wake up one day and realize that you just need to remove the drama from life, and it can be as easy as hitting the unfollow button on a social media site or two.

Sometimes you just have to say, “I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone.”

Into The Groove

Well, I failed my own test yesterday. And by  writing about it today, I’m also already failing today, too.  But you know what? I’m OK with that.

Maybe it’s because I finally slept well last night. Took a nice, long, hot bath with a glass of wine and went right to sleep afterward. Maybe that’s the key. I’ll just try doing that every night. Or maybe it’s because I am realizing that I am human and humans can’t just flip a switch and turn off feelings and emotions and curiosity and … anything.

Perhaps it’s because I made myself wake up early to practice yoga this morning. I’ve had no energy or motivation lately and I’ve been skipping it every morning.  I’m glad I did it today. It really did give me a boost today. Just as my bath helped calm me last night, yoga helped get my heart to quicken

and got me moving and grooving this morning.

After a long talk with a friend yesterday I decided not to focus on the why’s or lies being told or the what if’s. I’m just taking things day by day, minute by minute. I’m going to have fun in the process.

I think I’ll have a dance party of 1 at work today.

via Daily Prompt: Quicken