Push It

So I’m kind of crapping my pants right now.

I just agreed to do a 12 week weight loss boot camp.

A friend of mine is a personal trainer and I see the pictures he posts of all the participants and their results. Every time I see new photos I think there’s no reason I couldn’t do that.

So I decided to sign up. It starts Monday. The same day my vacation starts, which is both fortunate and unfortunate. It is fortunate in that I won’t have to go to work sore and stiff my first week of getting my ass kicked. It is unfortunate because it’s my vacation. Even though I didn’t have week-long plans to go away, I still have some day trips planned. I don’t necessarily expect to change them either.

I am so lazy and out of shape right now so I am scared shitless at how hard this is going to be. It’ll be good for me though, for obvious reasons. Maybe I won’t fall asleep as soon as I sit on the couch after work. Better yet, maybe I won’t nod off while at work anymore, either!

I need this.  I definitely need this.

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The Lazy Song

I’ve become lazy again. I know this  because my pants are starting to get tight. Again.

I need to perform a massive overhaul of my lifestyle. I like to sleep as late as I can in the mornings so I’ve been skipping my morning yoga almost routinely. I haven’t run in forever. After work is so hectic between getting dinner ready and taking kids to all their extra curricular activities that I just want to veg out or read on the couch when I get home. So that’s exactly what I do.

Yes, I totally know I’m making excuses. At least I can admit that. I can also admit that part of me is happy with the way I am right now. I am not “large and in charge” by any means, but I am in no way what most people would describe as the ideal shape either. I’m OK with this. I just don’t want to get any bigger so that I have to buy a new wardrobe. If I do have to buy a new one though, I’d rather be purchasing smaller sizes.

This is the mindset that I am in today. Tomorrow will most likely be a different story. It always is.

Talk to you later.

Desire

I’ve been debating on what to write about here. I don’t think I’m going to go in the direction I planned on originally. I’m tired of writing about my emotions and crap.

I’m going to talk about the love/hate relationship with food and exercise instead. That’s a fun topic, right?

I love to eat. I hate to exercise.

Scratch that. I hate exercising alone. I’m the type of person who gets bored easily. So I can run, or use an elliptical or lift weights but if I’m by myself, forget it. My mind starts wandering. Big time. I need someone else with me to keep me on track. Or distract my mind from being bored so that I want to go do something else.

My friends all have an allergic reaction to exercise, or so I’m told. My husband and son have their bonding time when they run. They run faster than I do so they get annoyed if I want to go with them. Or they just run ahead of me and I end up running half the distance because I need to turn around sooner to get back to the car at the same time they do.

Now, I don’t need anyone else around when I eat, though. That’s quite a problem I have. I love food too much and exercise not enough. Eating is my go-to. Food is there for me when I’m feeling down or excited. Food never lets me down.

Until I start feeling a little too uncomfortable in my clothes. Then food has let me down big time. That’s when I start getting a little more physical and ramp up the activities again.

Maybe if I just sucked it up and focused on my runs I wouldn’t lose my form. If I didn’t lose my form then maybe my knees wouldn’t give me problems. If my knees didn’t give me problems I could run farther and longer. If I ran more, then maybe I could eat whatever my heart desired.

Runnin’ Down A Dream

I am going to take this daily prompt quite literally this time. It’s quite good timing actually since I’ve been slowly and quietly preparing to train for a half marathon.

Running really hasn’t been my thing since high school. I had three surgeries on my left knee in my 20s and the last one was quite a doozie. I couldn’t put any weight on it for 3 months. I could only start very limited and low endurance exercise after 6 months and couldn’t get back to “normal” activity really for a year. I was 28 when I had this surgery and became very used to a lazy lifestyle during this year. I was so afraid of having to have another surgery that I just didn’t do any real exercise and gained about 20 or so pounds pretty quickly.

Until one day years later when my husband was in the ER with kidney stones.  He lost around 15 pounds in 2 weeks before having surgery for them. That kickstarted both of us to try to eat better and take better care of our bodies. He started running and doing 5Ks but I was still afraid of hurting my knee so I just hung out at the strength machines at the gym and taking walks in the neighborhood.

I decided to bite the bullet and take a chance. I started training for my first 5K about 2 years ago as my husband was training for his first half marathon. I was slow but I finished my first, then my second and third race. My husband fractured his heel during the half which sidelined him the rest of the summer.

I became lazy again over the winter, not wanting to run outside in the snow and cold and getting bored on the treadmill.

Fast forward to last spring. I started running outside again. Joy! Until one day I started feeling pain in my right knee. GASP!

Doctor ordered x-rays and MRI which both showed nothing. I went to physical therapy to help loosen up my IT band, my hip and strengthen my knee. Even after the completion of all this I still had the pain. I tried Cortisone shot in my knee and the pain is still there when I run.

My husband keeps telling me to give up trying to run, stick with practicing yoga or something that is easier on my knees.

I started doing the free yoga classes in the park during the summer months and then started following some YouTube channels and I practice yoga for about a half hour every morning in my family room. I really do enjoy it but it isn’t helping take any weight off and I don’t get that high like I do after a run.

So anyway, a few months ago I started getting the itch to really run again. I had started on the treadmill and I’d run about a mile before my knee started hurting. I really don’t push too hard. I’ll run until I start hurting then walk. I “ran” an 8K on Thanksgiving and was in a lot of pain for two days. Again I got the “stick to yoga” talk.

I don’t want to just stick to yoga. We joined our local YMCA a couple of weeks ago so we could use the gym and the kids could go and train during their sports off-seasons. I’ve been utilizing the elliptical mostly because it’s a little easier on my knees. They do have a couple of yoga classes, but it is a slow, meditative practice rather than the power yoga classes that got me hooked over the summer.

So anyway, to close out this little story about nothing, I’m secretly training for a half-marathon. I just haven’t told anyone (husband) because he doesn’t know how to be a positive supporter and I don’t need any negative thoughts because it’s too easy for me to get discouraged.

Take It Easy

Physical therapy evaluation done and over with. The therapist was actually a graduate of the school I work at. A very sweet girl, seemed very knowledgeable. I might not hate going as much as I was anticipating.

I am disappointed, though, that I have to hold off on running until she gives me the OK to start up again…slowly. I am happy that she thinks the pain in my knee has less to do with the tears in my meniscus but more with my hip and IT band tilting my knee inwards. Hopefully after a few weeks of physical therapy I’ll have everything straightened out (pun totally intended) and can start running again.

I don’t mind being an old soul but why do I have to have an old person body to go with it?

Ring My Bell

I am so not a patient person. I want instant gratification. All. The. Time. Especially when it comes to waiting for answers.

If you tell me it will take two days for an answer, it’ll be the longest two days of my life. And if you tell me it could take UP TO two days. Then oh my lord, day number 1 I’m going to be waiting next to my phone, willing it to ring.

I just want to know. I want to be able to plan ahead. I want to know if I have to reschedule things. I need to know what I’m going to tell people when the time comes. I have a busy life, I have to put things in order as soon as I can.

I just hate being in limbo. I want to know if I can go back to normal or if I have to change things up. But this not knowing is really killing me.

Mr. Brightside

I feel as though life is just a series of small battles and I’m losing every single one.

Just when I think all is hunky dory something happens. For every step forward there are two steps back. Most of the time it’s a little problem or annoyance but sometimes it’s something big. I know that I shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, but God in heaven, when everything falls like dominoes one right after another I start questioning my entire existence.

I know a lot of it is just my own interpretation of the events. But please don’t complain about what I make for dinner just because you were hoping for something else because hey, you have food to eat. And please don’t tell me the best way to cut chicken so that it cooks faster; all I’m hearing is that your way is better than mine. Please stop nitpicking over small details in life that have little to no effect on anything at all. All of these small things just fester with me until something that really does matter happens and I explode.

When I come home from a run limping, please be understanding and helpful. It does not help anything for you to become aggravated because my knee is in pain.  There is no need for any “I told you so’s” or make references to past complaints of knee pain from running. I am already feeling like I’ve failed at something, yet again. I really don’t need to be kicked while I’m down. Especially when I am so obviously losing this battle with weight. Perhaps I would consider some of your suggestions as helpful if I felt they were actually heartfelt and not said to show me that I made a wrong decision. Again.

I need an outlet for all this “small stress”.  Running was starting to help with it a little, and now I can’t even do that until I get this knee checked out.

For once I would just like to do something and be good at it without anything weighing me down, pun totally intended.