King of Pain

I made a conscious decision recently to purge negative and toxic people from my life.

I even went as far as blocking them from my phone and social media accounts instead of just ignoring them. I have to tell you, that helps keep me from thinking about them tremendously. Although thoughts do still pop up – obviously.

I don’t need to rescue people from themselves. Their woe is me way of life gets tiring after a while, and I just don’t want to deal with it.

Yeah, I know that makes me sound like a bitch, but seriously, when that is all I ever hear from these people it gets so monotonous. I mean, doesn’t anything good ever happen to you? Are you ever happy? I can’t make you happy, only you can do that.

I’ve told you before, and on many occasions, that I am not the same person that I used to be, either. Back when we were real friends and were close. I am not that person. I am in  different situation. I am happy. I am confident.  I have discovered how to be my own person and not rely on other people to manage my emotions. I hope you can do the same one day.

Though I have to say that I am curious about you. I have discovered things accidentally on Facebook that I almost unblocked your number to text you about. I have questions. But I knew that would only open the door that I have padlocked shut. I don’t want to go down that road again. No amount of curiosity is worth the frustration.

So I will leave you with this, I hope you can be truly happy on your own terms. Find whatever it is that you love and stick with it. I hope you can let go of what you hold on to  and learn to live with the cards that have been dealt to you. I hope that one day you will no longer be your own king of pain.

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I Wish You Would

Hello.  It’s me.

I’ve not made time for writing at all lately. I’ve been wanting to, but I haven’t really had anything specific to write about. Nothing that I needed to get off my mind. I guess that is a good thing.

I feel that I am a person who needs to be inspired and motivated to do just about anything. I’m sure this is the same for most people. For instance, I had a gym membership for quite a while and while I went a few days  a week, it didn’t really help me at all. I did the bare minimum. I daydreamed. I didn’t push myself (partly because I didn’t always know what I was doing).

But this boot camp that I just finished up I actually lost weight and inches! Everyone there was so nice and friendly and helpful. We pushed each other and congratulated each other on our accomplishments. But what really made the difference for me were the two trainers. They pushed me. Hard. Sometimes I felt like throwing a weight at them. I did even tell one of them to stop talking to me. : )

But they knew I needed the push. I had the inspiration and motivation to sign up for the classes (my clothes not fitting) but I needed the motivation to push myself harder. And it worked. I had great results and I am in for the next round. I even came in third place in my class time for most percentage lost (although my brother speculated that Photoshop was used for the before/after photos, if I was going to be a fraud  I would totally make the after photo look a lot better than it does)!

You can imagine how excited I was when I found that out! So excited I wanted to scream it from the mountain tops. Or at least tell all my friends.

Speaking of friends, the whole inspiration for my writing this morning was a song (actually songs) I listened to on the radio on my way in to work. They started me thinking of a friend who isn’t really around any more. I had tried to start slowly by just sending a text to say hello (we used to text each other 24/7). But the texts usually fall short and don’t last long. They actually just stop abruptly leaving me wondering why.

He has reached out a couple of times, too. But it’s always the same. Short conversations leaving me wishing for more. Wishing it was what it used to be.

I guess that happens, though.  People drift apart all the time.

I just wish you knew…