I think most people have layers to them.
There is not one person on this earth who is all good or all bad. Some people may be so bad that they are plain evil, but I’m sure that they have good in them, too. Darth Vader was not completely evil. He was a good person, with good intentions until he couldn’t figure out how to overcome some of the events in his life. He didn’t know how to deal with his anger and it consumed him. It changed him.
Yes, I know I am talking about a fictional character in a fictional universe. But doesn’t it apply to us, too? Isn’t it just as easy for real people to become weak and give in to the circumstances surrounding them? I mean, if it wasn’t then everyone would have an education. Everyone would have a job. If everyone was strong then we would not be jealous of each other. We wouldn’t hate each other. We wouldn’t be so quick to judge each other.
But we do judge. Often times we judge someone on just one piece of information. Information that may have been heard second or third hand. Information that may not be correct. Information that may be correct but without knowing any facts. There are so many circumstances that can cause a person to make any decision, whether wise or poor, and the truth is, only one person will only know all the facts surrounding it.
I will admit, I am definitely guilty. I am guilty of judging others and I am guilty of making poor choices myself. But knowing what brought about my circumstances and what helped shape my poor decisions, I try to give the benefit of the doubt before (and after) I judge anyone on their mistakes. I think most of the time we would find that a decision was not made on purpose, but because the person thought there was no other choice. Or the actions were based on emotions. Oftentimes if a person is depressed or have negative feelings about his or her life, he or she will do whatever it takes to be happy again. If this person is at a low enough point, he or she might even gravitate towards a person for happiness. I think sometimes it’s easier going to someone new or different for help instead of a spouse or mate.
That’s not to say that I think cheating on a spouse is right. But I see how it happens. I can see how a person who constantly feels alone or neglected or unloved even, would give in to the temptation of someone else who might fill that void. I think it would be easy to fall for someone new under those circumstances. Everyone wants to feel wanted and needed. If the one person who is supposed to make you feel that way for the rest of your life isn’t showing any interest in you, then it could be very hard to resist. It doesn’t matter if you are the most thoughtful and caring person in the world, you are still vulnerable.
I’m not saying to go looking to make poor decisions on purpose, or that emotions are reasons to make a bad choice and it’s OK. But I’m saying I understand the rationale behind it.
I don’t think making a poor choice makes someone a bad person. I think it makes that person human. I think we all do things at times that we may regret down the line. Sometimes, we may make those poor choices and still not regret them later. And that doesn’t make us bad either.
It means we have many layers to us. It means we should not be defined by just one thing.