I Wish You Would

Hello.  It’s me.

I’ve not made time for writing at all lately. I’ve been wanting to, but I haven’t really had anything specific to write about. Nothing that I needed to get off my mind. I guess that is a good thing.

I feel that I am a person who needs to be inspired and motivated to do just about anything. I’m sure this is the same for most people. For instance, I had a gym membership for quite a while and while I went a few days  a week, it didn’t really help me at all. I did the bare minimum. I daydreamed. I didn’t push myself (partly because I didn’t always know what I was doing).

But this boot camp that I just finished up I actually lost weight and inches! Everyone there was so nice and friendly and helpful. We pushed each other and congratulated each other on our accomplishments. But what really made the difference for me were the two trainers. They pushed me. Hard. Sometimes I felt like throwing a weight at them. I did even tell one of them to stop talking to me. : )

But they knew I needed the push. I had the inspiration and motivation to sign up for the classes (my clothes not fitting) but I needed the motivation to push myself harder. And it worked. I had great results and I am in for the next round. I even came in third place in my class time for most percentage lost (although my brother speculated that Photoshop was used for the before/after photos, if I was going to be a fraud  I would totally make the after photo look a lot better than it does)!

You can imagine how excited I was when I found that out! So excited I wanted to scream it from the mountain tops. Or at least tell all my friends.

Speaking of friends, the whole inspiration for my writing this morning was a song (actually songs) I listened to on the radio on my way in to work. They started me thinking of a friend who isn’t really around any more. I had tried to start slowly by just sending a text to say hello (we used to text each other 24/7). But the texts usually fall short and don’t last long. They actually just stop abruptly leaving me wondering why.

He has reached out a couple of times, too. But it’s always the same. Short conversations leaving me wishing for more. Wishing it was what it used to be.

I guess that happens, though.  People drift apart all the time.

I just wish you knew…

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You Talk Too Much

Wow. I opened this page to start writing 5 hours ago and it just never happened. I don’t even remember what I was going to throw out there today.

It’s funny how I can get totally stumped about what to say on here but in life I don’t seem to have a problem. Twice in the past two days I’ve opened my mouth when I really shouldn’t have. Or really, I guess I should have, it’s just that I said something that other people didn’t want to hear.

I end up going over and over the conversation in my head (because I just can’t let things go). Much of the time I realize that if I had kept my mouth shut then probably nothing bad would’ve happened. I should start asking myself, “Is it life or death if this information is not said out loud?”  I bet that most of the time that answer would be no and I should stay quiet.  For someone who hates drama, I sure do create a lot of it! Not that I mean to, it just happens.

I’m just a drama magnet. It’s drawn to me and surrounds me like a swarm of bees. I guess the question is, how do I turn off this magnetism??

Complicated

I’m really pretty much over people. Not all people, fake people. No, I’m not going to go off on a tangent like our so-called President Trump just because someone said something mean about me. I’m talking about people pretending to be who they aren’t and spinning stories to get someone to feel a certain way toward them. I’m talking about people who are genuinely pretending to be who they aren’t. I’m talking about people with so much negative feelings about themselves that they pretend to be who other people want them to be. I’m talking about people who seem to be drawn to other people’s drama, whether it be for the juicy details of their stories or to feel like they’re coming to the rescue.

I get being in a funk in life. BELIEVE ME, I GET IT! I have been there many, many times. If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you know I’ve been there. It’s so easy to get down on yourself at times. But it’s not up to other people to make you feel special. It’s up to you. You don’t need anyone to show you. Side note: I know I sound hypocritical. I don’t rely on other people to make me happy. I make my own happiness. I am just guilty of letting other people bring me down.

I know how easy it is to cling to someone when they are giving you the attention that you desire. But that kind of attention doesn’t last and it’s not real. Especially when one (or both) of you are pretending to be different from who you actually are.

I’m tired of the games people are playing. Tired of people who are drawn to the drama and who are falling for the lies and stories. I’ve been there and done that and I’m too old for it now. I want plain and simple. Friends who are who they say they are and act like friends. No lies, no pretending to be interested. Either you are or you aren’t, it’s that simple. I’m happy where I am at the moment and I don’t need pretenders screwing with that.

Beautiful Day

I’ve had very little to gripe about lately. Life has been good the past few weeks. Days have been easy to get through. Perhaps this is my transformation. Maybe I’m finally accepting that I made my bed and now it’s time to crawl under the covers and stay there for a while.

Though this stress-free life is relieving for a while, it also makes for some tough writers block.

That’s OK I guess. There’s really no need to spill every detail of my life daily. It’s way too boring, unless you’d like to hear about morning yoga sessions and when I’m too tired to wake up for them.